Sieg Heil, TSA

by Becky Akers

Ah, the Nazis. Modern America knows few epithets more vile. You can insult a man’s mother, wish rape on him, liken him to the hinder part of the alimentary canal. But don’t compare him to Germany’s totalitarians, even if he works for their contemporary counterparts, unless you want a fight – and a frisk from the Transportation Security Administration (TSA).

Darron Derrick was "very late" for his flight out of Tampa International Airport to Detroit. How late? "He checked in 38 minutes before the scheduled departure…"

Back when America was free, passengers who arrived 38 minutes prior to "scheduled departure" were early. But the TSA’s warrantless searches impede travel now, and we serfs are expected to revise our schedules accordingly. Our Rulers "recommend" we waste "at least two hours" in the airport; it’s our own fault if we flout their orders and miss our flight.

Ergo, when our 39-year-old engineer huffed into the airport, he "found a long, snaking line to the security checkpoint…" So he approached "a line attendant."

Imagine that as resume fodder: "2006–2008 Line attendant. Stand around in uniform; look fat, dumb, and hippy. Pretend passengers are terrorists. Scowl and yell in bullying tones while disregarding individuals seeking assistance. Plan best route for own escape in case real terrorists actually show up some day." Anyway, poor Darron asked this cretin "if he could move ahead of others. She ignored him." Of course. She’s too busy doing nothing.

Eventually Darron made it to "the X-ray machine," where "he placed his laptop inside its case on the belt and went through the metal detector. An officer informed him the computer and case had to go through again separately." Those wimpy rays don’t see through Christmas paper either, prompting the TSA to command, "Travel with unwrapped gifts. If a wrapped gift sets off an alarm, TSA security officers will need to unwrap the gift to resolve the alarm." Lois Lane must have hoped Superman’s vision was this feeble.

Our hero had endured enough nonsense by now. He "told the supervisor that screeners were going to make him late for the plane by using ‘Nazi-style, police-state tactics.’"

Darron may not realize it, but he was paraphrasing a Supreme Court justice who knew something about Nazis. Robert Jackon had represented the United States at the Nuremberg Trials; four years later, when deciding Brinegar v. United States (338 U.S. 160, 180 [1949]), he extolled the Fourth Amendment: "These rights, I protest, are not mere second-class rights but belong in the catalog of indipensable [sic] freedoms. Among deprivations of rights, none is so effective in cowing a population, crushing the spirit of the individual and putting terror in every heart. Uncontrolled search and seizure is one of the first and most effective weapons in the arsenal of every arbitrary government." Or, as Darron succinctly put it, "police state."

The TSA boasts more Nazi ties. There’s its parent bureaucracy, the Department of Homeland Security. Even neoconservative cheerleader Peggy Noonan tsk-tsked its demonic echoes in an otherwise supportive column for the Wall Street Journal: "The name Homeland Security grates on a lot of people, understandably. Homeland isn't really an American word, it's not something we used to say or say now. It has a vaguely Teutonic ring – Ve must help ze Fuehrer protect ze Homeland!..."

Actually, there’s nothing vague about "Homeland’s" Teutonic ring: it clearly and horrifically tolls "Third Reich." Wikipedia points out that "homeland is translated as Heimatland, and this was a term used by the Nazis to refer to the German ‘Fatherland.’ It was also the name of a strongly pro-Nazi magazine edited by Wilhelm Weiss during the rise of the Nazi Party in Germany." I’ll be the first to agree George Bush makes bubblegum look intelligent; still, it’s hard to believe his Administration chose the term unwittingly.

So you might think the TSA would be flattered when alert "customers" like Darron note the connection. But modern Nazis spurn their progenitor: the TSA "supervisor, a Florida National Guard member and Iraq war vet, blew up. ‘I don't have to listen to your s – and being called a Nazi,’ he said, according to a TSA report dated Tuesday. … Two officers detailed to watch for suspicious behavior decided Derrick" – and not the goon who "blew up" – "was a ‘heightened concern individual,’ said TSA spokesman Christopher White. They directed him to additional screening, a body pat-down and a scan with a hand-held metal detector" – despite the fact that "Federal law enforcement officials" have long and vehemently "den[ied] targeting dissidents."

These liars met their match in Darron. He "refused to give his telephone number." Nor did he "agree to have the pat-down in a private room, noting the case of a woman who died while detained at the Phoenix airport." Way to go, Darron! This guy wins our "Patriotic Passenger Award": not only did he decline to cooperate with murderers, he called them on their crimes! His prize? "The supervisor had airport police escort Derrick from the terminal." Could have been worse: Leviathan often imprisons or kills revolutionaries who tell the truth.

Meanwhile, the TSA lived up to Darron’s charge. Its "report concluded that Derrick's ‘frustration made him a victim of himself’…" Ridiculous regulations, supervisors throwing tantrums, and vengeful minions had nothing to do with it. Chillingly, "officers followed all procedures." In other words, the TSA’s "procedures" call for punishing passengers who refuse to cringe. Add the First Amendment to the Second and Fourth as ones this unspeakably evil agency has gutted. But at least America’s Nazis are fastidious: "the supervisor will receive ‘corrective action’ for using profanity, said White." You certainly don’t want a thug shouting vulgarities as he tramples the Constitution.

Darron’s valor continues: he may be a Ron Paul voter. Which accords with his all-around good sense: "I didn't go in [the airport] and yell 'terrorist,'" he said. "It's the system. Everyone's treated like a criminal. It's dehumanizing."

Yep, and that would have Adolph applauding. The TSA has "not become a servant of the masses, but their master."